


haha classic senpai lloydkins

by americangothic



Category: The LEGO Movie (2014)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Gen, Surreal, let's start off the new year right folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 13:51:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13272783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americangothic/pseuds/americangothic
Summary: Bad Cop goes for a walk in a park and kicks a baby.





	haha classic senpai lloydkins

Once upon a time, Bad Cop was taking a lovely walk through the park. The sun was shining. Children were frolicking in fields. Nothing bad was going to happen.

...Or so he thought.

“Oh wow, is that an egg?” Bad Cop exclaimed. He had found an egg. It was lumpy and green, and Bad Cop considered kicking it.

“HWWGWHIAIEHWHOOAAOOAAAGGGHHHHH" the egg screamed. Bad Cop jumped back a few feet. He stared at the egg as it rolled over to reveal a baby's face. 

“Oh, hewwo,” Senpai Lloydkins said cheerfully. “I didn't see you thewe!” Bad Cop frowned at the baby. Something felt off about it, but the cop couldn't quite put his finger on it.

“It's awight, mistew cop. I don't even have any widdle fingies to wiggle about, nevermind put on something!” the baby said, eyes fixated on Bad Cop's face. “Did you just read my mind?” Bad Cop asked, his eyes narrowing behind his sunglasses.

Senpai Lloydkins nodded. “I sure did, officer! Why, is something the matter?” Bad Cop shuddered.

“Wh… where are your parents? Why are you out here all alone?” he asked. His mind was screaming at him to get out of the park, which had suddenly become very empty and very cold and very dark and was that grass always so dead-looking where did the sun go  _ why is this thing pretending to be a baby- _

“Haha! Silly cop,” Senpai Lloydkins chuckled. “I don't need parents. I'm a product of a man who spent far too long trying to reconcile himself with his childhood before realizing the person he had been had been essentially decimated by trauma and is now trying to deal with the fact that he needs to get his life together before he is forced into adulthood by the never-ending march of social, economic, and familial expectations!” 

Bad Cop blinked.

Meanwhile, the tentacles covered in not-skin behind him grew larger. One of them snaked around his boot. Senpai Lloydkins grinned and his eyes- all 37/82/5/too many of them- rolled up to stare Bad Cop in the eyes in an unnatural way. 

“It's alright, though,” Senpai Lloydkins said. The sound bounced around his body, reverberating from his many mouths and echoing through Bad Cop’s skull. “It's alright.”

Bad Cop jerked forwards reflexively as he felt a hand tap his shoulder. He spun around to see the same  _ dark cracked green cold grey numb _ as before, eyes blinking at him from in between the shifting tentacles.

“ _ What's wrong with him? _ ” the thing wrapped around him said. The words traveled around through all the mouths and the eyes and the hanging torn cloth, and Bad Cop got a distinct feeling that the words were not directed at him. He turned around slowly to see that Senpai Lloydkins had pushed his mask away. Bad Cop screeched and kicked whatever he had seen for a fraction of a second (which was long enough to know he shouldn’t’ve seen it at all).

“Shit!” Senpai Lloydkins yelled as he soared upwards, his baby arms flailing as he disappeared into the sky. “Goodbwye, Bad Cop!” the baby crowed almost triumphantly as left the atmosphere.

Bad Cop decided not to go on any more walks for a while.

**Author's Note:**

> haha classic senpai lloydkins


End file.
